Temporary

On the floor again
Feeling like fifteen again,
like eighteen, like twenty-one
I’ve turned off the lights,
to match the darkness inside

I know it makes me sound like an edgy teen
Cigarette smell and Gerard Way in my ears,
it all comes back in the worst ways
But theres a difference between now and then

I used to try to
cut myself out,
throw myself up,
punish myself for feeling

Tonight, I put away my phone and read a book,
call my girlfriend and eat some food
I go to sleep and wake up calm,
get up, get dressed, eat some eggs
I message a friend and take a walk,
laugh and smile and draw a picture

Tonight,
this feeling is temporary